15 Stupid Things Paris Hilton Wishes She Could Take Back

Paris Hilton was the ‘it’ girl of the 00s. Tall, thin, blonde
and rich, she was like the girl at school who we always wanted
to invite us to her amazing poolside parties at her daddy’s
mansion.

Paris was born to being Paris Hilton – one of the heirs to the
Hilton hotel fortune, Paris became a model as a teenager,
signed to Trump Model Management. By 2001, at the age of 20,
Paris was becoming famous on that party circuit to which you
and I will not be invited to, dear reader.

In 2003, just before the first season of The Simple
Life
went to air, Paris’ raunchy, video ‘1 Night In Paris
was released and Paris was catapulted into the zeitgeist as one
of THE faces and bodies of the noughties.

Think Paris Hilton and think tiaras, small dogs, Von Dutch
caps, Juicy Couture, colored sunglasses and a LOT of pink.
That’s hot.

Not that Paris has really ‘reinvented’ herself as of late, but
at 36, Paris is still a power player. While she may not be the
name on everybody’s lips she is definitely still around. She
DJ’s for more money per night than many people make in a year,
she has made a ridiculous amount of paper from all her
perfumes. Don’t feel sorry for Paris for being knocked off her
pedestal – she is doing just fine.

Just like the rest of us, unless we have lived a life of pure
good sense and unadulterated judgement, (in which case get off
my list for being boring) Paris has done and said some stupid
things. Here are 15 times Paris did something really stupid.

15. When Paris Failed Geography For Real


I am a bit of a geography buff, also I am one of those
irritating people who sigh sadly when people don’t know things
I feel they should know.

Paris probably has waaaaay too much going on to bother her head
with things like capital cities and country names. Paris’ name
is a European city though, so maybe…… no. No it’s ok, she
doesn’t need to know everything.

Anyway, in 2011 Paris tweeted this gem “No, no, I didn’t go to
England; I went to London.”

This beautifully punctuated tweet caused some sneering, but I
could see how she could get confused.

No, no I can’t. There is no real excuse for this. Although she
has come out recently and said that the ‘dumb blonde’ thing was
all an act so…. Maybe it was a joke.

Whatever it was, it was funny.

14. When She Got Bitten By Her Kinkajou


A kinkajou is a little rainforest critter a related to a
raccoon. Are they cute? That’s debatable.

Paris had a pet one and called it Baby Luv.

After years of being the alpha butch tough and strong butch
killer kinkajou, it objected to that name and bit Paris while
she was playing with it, sending her to emergency for medical
treatment.

While veterinarians wanted to euthanize the little critter in
case it had rabies, Paris refused to let them kill her toothy
pet, despite the fact that it could have spread rabies to other
people. Luckily no-one got rabies and Baby Luv’s special toxic
kinkajou saliva did not hurt Paris.

But Paris copped a lot of flack for having a possibly illegal
exotic pet in the first place, and she gave it up soon
after.

13. When Paris Made ‘That Tape’


I am on the wall a bit about this, because it definitely made
Paris the Paris we all know and possibly love. But on the other
had she should definitely have been asked for her sober consent
to be in the video AND to release it.

When 1 Night In Paris was released just before Paris
achieved maximum Paris saturation with her show The Simple
Life
, Paris was upset about its release, claiming that she
was ‘out of it’ when it was made and that she had not given
permission for it to be released.

Rick Salomon, the person who spent the one night, um, WITH
Paris, sued her for defamation, and she countersued.

They settled out of court and she was awarded $400,000,
although she later said that she did not receive any money for
it, and that any money made from it should have been given ‘to
some charity for the sexually abused or something’.

12. When David Letterman Mocked Paris On
His Show


Jail is stressful, and probably even more so for people who are
used to having money and status. For poor writers on the other
hand it can seem like three free meals a day, just joking. Or
not.

Nonetheless, after being in jail for less than a month, Paris
went on David Letterman, and immediately regretted it.

While she wanted to talk about her future, her perfume, her
movie Repo! The Genetic Opera that was coming out and
her clothing line, Letterman was determined to laugh about the
jail food, her friends in jail and mock her for being in jail
longer than Nicole Richie’s 45 minutes for drug and dangerous
driving.

“Now you’re making me sad I came because you are hurting my
feelings” said Paris.

Letterman later apologized, but there is no doubtParis still
regrets that the interview ever happened.

11. When Paris Introduced Us To Kim
Kardashian


When Paris unleashed Kim Kardashian on the general public, Kim
was quite literally someone who Paris would pay to clean out
her closet, (which I think makes Kim resourceful and clever,
but what would I know). Kim, the brightest shining star in the
plastic reality tiara of fame, came out from the shadow of
Paris and soon eclipsed her, destroying their friendship.

Just like Paris, Kim had a private tape that rocketed her
reality TV show to the dizzying heights of super stardom,
riding slightly on the pink fluffy coattails of Paris and
knocking her off the top spot.

Does Paris regret her friendship with Kim? Probably,
considering that she drew Kim into the spotlight as a
replacement for Nicole Richie when they had a falling out. Also
considering she referred to Kim’s famous derriere as ‘cottage
cheese inside a big trash bag.’

Not very nice Paris. That’s not hot.

10. When Paris Thought Coke Was Gum


In 2010 Paris pled guilty to possessing cocaine in Las Vegas
and confessed that she had lied to the arresting police officer
that the cocaine that had been found in her purse was not hers.
This guilty plea kept her out of jail.

Paris thought better of her lie and admitted that the cocaine
was hers and was not gum, which is what she had originally
claimed she had thought it was.

However OUTSIDE of the USA she had already gotten out of
trouble in South Africa for denying that she had marijuana, so
I guess she thought that if it worked that time…..

Paris has previously served time for driving on a suspended
licence, before which she had been arrested for a DUI.

She definitely knows by now what substance is cocaine and what
substance is gum. No-one is buying that for a minute Paris!

9. When Paris Advertised Alcohol After
Being Caught Drunk Driving


In the noughties, Paris Hilton advertised sparkling wine in a
can called Rich Prosecco. She even got painted gold for the
ads.

Now, I don’t see a thing wrong with sparkling wine in a can. I
don’t see a thing wrong with any wine in any container –
bucket, vase, shoe. I am not a person with any standards at
all. But Italian winemakers are a little more picky than me,
which isn’t hard, and they objected to the use of the name
Prosecco and the use of the Paris Hilton with that product.

This all took place post DUI arrest, and internet commentators
wondered if perhaps Paris was the best person to be advertising
alcohol at all.

With all the hate one could safely assume that Paris would be
upset about her choice, but she doesn’t seem to be. To busy
being painted gold I guess!

8. When Paris Got Into A Stunt Plane
Thinking It Was A Joyride


Actually, the stupid person here was not Paris at all.

When Paris went to Dubai to attend a hotel opening, she was
offered a 15 minute aerial tour of Dubai. Paris got on board
with a group of strangers she did not know were actors. The
plane then went though a series of stunts with alarms going
off, designed to trick Paris into thinking that the plane was
crashing. Needless to say, she was terrified, and a camera
captured every minute of her fear, and then told her at the end
that it had been a prank.

Paris said at the time that she was going to sue for emotional
distress that she experienced in the fake crash, but so far
nothing has happened in that direction that we know of.

Still not funny. I guess she learned not to trust strangers
after this, even when they carry cameras.

7. When Paris Was Homophobic


You would think that Paris, being such a party girl and so
glittery and shiny-bright, would have had loads of contact with
gay people and be anything but homophobic.

And yet in 2012 Paris had to publicly apologies for remarks
that left the gay community (and allies and friends and
families and just other people) reeling with horror.

An audiotape surfaced in which Paris could be heard saying that
gay men were disgusting for sleeping with people they didn’t
know, and ‘probably had AIDS’. Paris’ candid conversation was
taped while riding in a cab, and basically she should have kept
her mouth shut.

“Gay guys are the horniest people in the world’ They’re
disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS….I would be
so scared if I were a gay guy. You’ll like die of AIDS.’

Not very nice Paris. At least she apologized I suppose.

6. When Paris Bought An $8000 Puppy


I would think that Paris was perfectly within her rights to
purchase whatever puppy she likes, as long as she takes care of
it.

However PETA, the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals,
do not agree and have taken her to task for buying such a
pricey pooch.

The tiny little teacup Chihuahua caused an internet splash,
with PETA dubbing Paris ‘Paris the Puppy Pimp’.

$8,000 isn’t a lot for Paris to spend on a puppy though, in
2014 she bought a Pomeranian puppy for $13,000.

Internet animal lovers have slammed Paris for spending more
than $20,000 on two dogs, when that money could have saved
countless shelter dogs. But she needs dogs that will fit in her
two storey $375,000 doghouse! Not just any mutt from the
shelter would match all the décor.

People have the right to do what they want with their money. Of
course, everyone else has a right to complain about it.

5. When Paris Embarrassed Her
Grandfather So Much He Disinherited Her


Paris was born into money. She grew up knowing that she would
always have money because her family had so much money.

Paris was disinherited by her grandfather, Barron Hilton, and
lost $60 million.

First ‘1 Night in Paris’ and then her stint in the slammer
embarrassed him so much he decided to leave her only $2.5
million and donate her share of the rest of his billions to a
charitable organization so that his family doesn’t profit from
money that they have not earned.

I guess that the older generations still like to hold an
element of control over their family to try to ‘keep the good
name’, and Paris was a bit too much of a black sheep for him.
That’s ok Paris, the black sheep are usually the most
interesting at parties. And they have the prettiest wool. And
they can earn their own money DJing.

4. When Paris Was A Singer


Paris has been a singer over and over again actually, releasing
a number of EDM songs over the years. The most well known of
her songs was probably Stars Are Blind, but she has released a
number of others.

Look, were they really stupid? I mean she is probably a better
singer than a lot of us and the clips are bright and shiny. You
can actually find demos of her singing Britney Spears’ “Toxic”
and clips of her singing a cappella and you know there are
worse singers.

She got roasted for her singing career though – as if she
wouldn’t. When someone bases their brand on being narcissistic
and manufactured then haters are gonna hate.

I can only say that listening to the songs on her Vevo account
make me simultaneously want to drink canned wine, paint myself
gold and then do karaoke, which is probably just what Paris
wants.

3. (The Many Times) That Paris Forgot
Her Panties


I have to say that if this is sheer forgetfulness, then Paris
needs a checklist when she leaves the door.

I don’t mean to be bossy, but on numerous occasions we have all
seen Paris’ lady-bits exposed to the elements, and it just
seems avoidable.

From tiny little dresses sky high thigh slits, Paris has had
ample opportunity to get some air down there by herself or with
fellow Commando fan Britney Spears.

But is it a mistake, Paris, is it? One time might be a mistake,
to do it more than once seems like rank carelessness or
deliberate crotch flashing.

And let us not forget Paris laughing at Lindsay Lohan being
called a ‘fire crotch’. Maybe Paris is a ‘Breezy Crotch.’ Pot
calling kettle black?

2. When Paris Was Racist


There is no excuse for racism or homophobia.

Paris’ former friend, Brandon Davis, has come out swinging that
Paris is racist.

Brandon said he ended his relationship with her because of her
attitude, saying racist slurs against Jews (Brandon is Jewish)
and also using the ‘n’ word.

Paris was also quoted in the book Everyone Loves You When
You’re Dead: Journeys Into Fame and Madness
by Neil
Strauss as saying “And actor and I were making out(Vin Diesel),
but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that
he was black and I made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black
guys. I would never touch one.’

Hilton’s legal team is denying that this quote has any
accuracy at all.

Let’s hope that it doesn’t, because I would hate to think how
Nicole Richie might feel after hearing such thing from a
friend/former friend/I don’t even know’s lips.

1. When Paris Went to Australia And
Hooked Up With Australian Idol Rob ‘Millsy’ Mills And Then He
Sang About It


Everybody loves an Australian, and I say this as an Australian.

When Paris came to Australia in 2003, she did the party circuit
(of course) and first met young Millsy at an Australian Idol
after party, and then they hooked up later at another party.
The next day he was photographed on her balcony, and history
was made. They met up a number of times after that and Millsy
claims that he was the person who first watched her infamous
tape with her after she was sent the tape by her lawyer.

So far so good.

But Millsy turned out to be a bit of a kiss-and-tell hookup,
because in an embarrassing display of childish braggadocio,
Millsy decided to sing a cover of Frank Sinatra’s ‘I Love
Paris’ on Australian television.

When Paris feigned not knowing who he was in 2016, I think that
she had had enough of a small time performer who had used her
name to further his career.

We’ve all had that one guy, Paris.

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